The Guy

11/1/23

NO GUYS! I MEAN IT CUNTS

   The thing is im at a boarding school. I love being here but im fucking dying right now because all I want is to be next to him. I want to be next to him and to lay on his chest in his bed listening to music. Nothing corny, nothing weird, all I want is to lay on his chest while he maybe watches tiktoks or something i dont know, but i am 1160.5 kilometers (721 miles) away from him and a 15 hour drive. so instead, im laying on my ugly ass bed -that i am eternally grateful for because thank fucking eros that i am on a bed and not a street but-my bed that is comfortable i guess but the pillow is like laying on a fucking pancake and a blanket as thin as paper. I want to just sit in his room and maybe he kisses me once in a while, or if that doesnt happen we just hang out and play a vid game, i dont care. I want to be near him, and love him and have him love me too. I dont want to sleep in a room with strangers anymore. I want to kiss someone again. I have so many things I want tthat I wont be able to do until december. And the only girl who is willing to kiss me I would not be willing to kiss her. I am going to be only honest and fully honest on this thing so I am gonna sound like an asshole. I want him and to be around him. I cant wait to go home so I can ask my parents to buy me a new pillow and blanket so i can comfortably lay and sleep and text my man whos not my man. No hes not my fucking boyfriend of course hes not, but i wish so much that he was. we aint perfect or nun like that. but we real. and hes my guy bsf but the only time i think he sees me as more then his bro is when we are on facetime late at night and we falling asleep while im in my sports bra and my voice is low and tired. But now my computer (school computer) microphone doesnt work and my phone goes on downtime at 9pm so I cant call him on my phone at decent times either. All i want is for him to love me too, and beleive me im not always this much of a little fucking bitch. I am usually happy and i man this shit out because who the fuck wallows in their own self pity and can wake up feeling pride, what a fucking pussy. I know thats not a good perspective or anything. I know im an asshole for that but come on dude. Wake up, the world is not nice. But tonight all im doing is thinking of him. I tried to sleep but I cant so instead I did this bullshit. All I want or need to say is that I love him. 

segment of rant two:
God I want him to touch me, or anyone who I like. I miss touch from people I love. I want loving touch that isnt from my parents, I want touch that is different from anything I have felt before, I want sexual touch, I want touch. I want him to touch me the most though. I love him if he touched me I would feel it through my whole body. I make it sound like we are perfect but we are very much not. We play fight alot, and not "omgggg babe lets fight uwu" type shit. I mean he will throw me against closets or onto the ground and I will fucking kick him. Its sick, i love it. We insult the shit out of each other but if i need to rant he will listen. We have epic battles about who gets the most bitches and whos cooler and "ur stinky" "nuh uh" type shit. Talk to him about the most rancid shit. Or we will fake flirt, but i know its fake the second we get on call or something. He views me as his bro. Btw dont you dare give me advice on this unless ur a homie fr. I dont want none of that "no luv, this is what u do" shit. Dont fucking clit-splain shit to me. That is not what I want. The only advice Im fine w is something that isnt bitchy. You know what though? I want him to kiss me. That is the end of my lecture to you. I want him to kiss me so bad. And for him to touch me and get what he wants but I hate one vital part of my body so very much. you dont get it bruh. I got a big fat fucking cooch, and this aint some body dysmophia shit cus the rest of my body is fine, im a bit over weight but this is 2023, nobody gonna bully me. Im only a bit overweight too, im like 140-150 and im 5"5. I got hips and tits and no arse, but thats whatever. my do i need to be perfect tho

I miss home. 

I miss flirting with boys or girls and them liking me and blushing at me.

 I miss another guy who i had a situation ship with (calling him Panda) which ill tell you about another time but i dont have the energy to right now. 

I miss this fucking asshole I love. 

I miss being me. 

I miss hugs from people I love.

 And I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him, I miss him.

im tired and I dont feel like writing more. goodnight guys. i have loads of hw to do


Location: Canada

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Friends

11/2/23 I need more fucking friends. Close friends, I have friends but what I need to talk to them about isnt what I CAN talk to them about. I want to fucking talk to them about how I saw something terrible on Omegle. I want to tell my close friends because I cant sleep at night anymore. It takes hours when it used to take minutes. I LOVE SLEEPING. but i cant and im losing my mind and my adhd be wilding so i cant work on my school anymore. And no, it isnt an option to go to a therapist because I have been in therapy multiple times but my parents end up always pulling me out after just a few weeks saying "i have not improved at all" even though one time i litterly told them "this therapist isnt working out, we litterly talk about anime the whole session". and my mom just responded "yea well u guys are supposed to get to know each other". we talked about anime for multiple sessions. I had one session a week and I think I was in for 8 weeks or sum. I went in ...
Read more

immature

 11/15/23 i cant deal with love-im simply not mature enough for it. like i love this guy so fucking much and he doesnt know and he just thinks we're homies EVEN THOUGH I HAVE SHOWN HIM my babonkabonks. BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wild. wild, wild. he is litterly comfortable talking like: "this girl" blah blah "omg these ppl are talking to me and this gilr AND  a guy want me. usually its just girls but atp i have many options". BRO BRO BRO STFU IM LITTERLY IN LOVE WITH YOU i want to tell him so bad but i know i cant because it woukdnt be fair for him. and it would ruin the friendship. and hes my neighbour. and he legit told me he was gonna take m VCARD 😱😱😱😱😱 "i have options" WHY NOT ME? WHY NOT ME? WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? IM NOT UGLY, I HAVE A FINE PERSONALITY, IM LITTERLY IN LOVE WITH YOU, I LOVE YOU ALL AROUND THE UNIVERSE AND BACK? SO WHY NOT ME?
Read more

AAAAAAAAAAA

 11/8/23 HE TEXTED ME FIRST JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO NOT BE THE ONE TO TEXT HIM FIRST FOR RFUCKING ONCE. YEE FUCKING HAW. HE ONLY MESSAGED ME CUS HE REMEMBERED I WANTED TO CALL HIM AND HE REPLIED NOW CUS HE THINKS IM IGNORING HIM TODAY OR SOMRTHIG. ALL I WANT IS YOU RIGHT NOW DUMB ASS????? I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM AT YOU LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. I KEEP GOING TO CHECK IF YOU MESSAGED ME AGAIN AND YOU HAVENT. BUT I NEED TO BE FAIR AND NOT GET PISSED BECAUSE THAT IS OBVIOUSLY NOT FAIR. WHY WOULD I EVER YELL AT YOU WHEN I CANT EVEN TELL YOU I LOVE YOU BECASUE YOU DONT LOVE ME YOU DONT LOVE ME HE DOESNT LOVE ME I NEED HIM TO LOVE ME. PLEASE OH MY GOD PLEASE. I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE SOUL AND BEING. PLEASEEEEEEEEEE. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE YOU at least text me first think of me as more\please iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouilo...
Read more