teenage girl rant ig

 11/15/23 i cant deal with love-im simply not mature enough for it. like i love this guy so fucking much and he doesnt know and he just thinks we're homies EVEN THOUGH I HAVE SHOWN HIM my babonkabonks. BROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO wild. wild, wild. he is litterly comfortable talking like: "this girl" blah blah "omg these ppl are talking to me and this gilr AND  a guy want me. usually its just girls but atp i have many options". BRO BRO BRO STFU IM LITTERLY IN LOVE WITH YOU i want to tell him so bad but i know i cant because it woukdnt be fair for him. and it would ruin the friendship. and hes my neighbour. and he legit told me he was gonna take m VCARD 😱😱😱😱😱 "i have options" WHY NOT ME? WHY NOT ME? WHY AM I NOT GOOD ENOUGH? IM NOT UGLY, I HAVE A FINE PERSONALITY, IM LITTERLY IN LOVE WITH YOU, I LOVE YOU ALL AROUND THE UNIVERSE AND BACK? SO WHY NOT ME?

 11/8/23 HE TEXTED ME FIRST JUST BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN TRYING TO NOT BE THE ONE TO TEXT HIM FIRST FOR RFUCKING ONCE. YEE FUCKING HAW. HE ONLY MESSAGED ME CUS HE REMEMBERED I WANTED TO CALL HIM AND HE REPLIED NOW CUS HE THINKS IM IGNORING HIM TODAY OR SOMRTHIG. ALL I WANT IS YOU RIGHT NOW DUMB ASS????? I WANT TO FUCKING SCREAM AT YOU LIKE A LITTLE BITCH. I KEEP GOING TO CHECK IF YOU MESSAGED ME AGAIN AND YOU HAVENT. BUT I NEED TO BE FAIR AND NOT GET PISSED BECAUSE THAT IS OBVIOUSLY NOT FAIR. WHY WOULD I EVER YELL AT YOU WHEN I CANT EVEN TELL YOU I LOVE YOU BECASUE YOU DONT LOVE ME YOU DONT LOVE ME HE DOESNT LOVE ME I NEED HIM TO LOVE ME. PLEASE OH MY GOD PLEASE. I LOVE YOU WITH MY WHOLE SOUL AND BEING. PLEASEEEEEEEEEE. PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE I LOVE YOU at least text me first think of me as more\please iloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouiloveyouilo...

 11/5/23 i said i love him in my head so many times. i said i know he doesnt love me back even more. But guess what I was proven wrong...! Just kidding. Im not going to pull any feel pity bull shit because that is annoying as fuck. But I do this thing where if he says some shit like "you stink" or "i hate you" because that is how we joke, i respond with "ilyt" (i love you too). today he responded to me like that. I didnt get my hopes up like a dumbass as i responded "i dont believe you" and thank god i didnt. Because he said "well thats good because I dont lol" after.  . . . i dont know if I have anything more to say. But i need someone to understand what it feels like when you love someone so much, that that say "i dont love you lol" back. I know he dpesnt know I acctually love him. I hope he doesnt. But hes my every thing, hes my sun my moon and every star. hes my fucking solar system. hes the breath i release but all i want...

 11/5/23 I LOVE HIMMMMM I NEED HIM WHY DOES HE NEED TO BE SO FAR AWAY I WANT HIM TO KISS ME AND LOVE ME IM NOT CRAZY HES NOT MESSAGING ME BACK IN AN HOUR AND IM GOING CRAZY I HAVE NEVER FELT THIS NEEDY BEFORE I NEED HIM I NEED HIM I LOVE HIM I LOVE HIM PLEASEEEEEE WHY DO I NEED TO LOVE YOU WHEN YOU DONT LOVE ME? WE ARENT EVEN DATING WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH ME I CANT HELP BUT LOVW HIM AND NEED HIM I DONT CARE WHAT HAPPENS I NEED HIM TO HUG ME WE STILL LITTERLY HAVE NO IDEA ABOUT EACH OTHER REALLY BUT I LOVE HIM I HAVE KNOWN HIM FOR YEARS BUT WE HAVE BEEN FRIENDS THE WHOLE TIME BEFORE I SLOWLY STARTED FALLING FOR HIM THEN IN LOVE WITH HIM LIKE A YEAR OR LESS AGO NOW I THINK OF HIM AT LEAST EVERY HOUR. I LOVE HIM PLEASE LOVE ME PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE I NEED YOU I WILL BE GOOD TO YOU I LOVE YOU. i love you

11/2/23 I need more fucking friends. Close friends, I have friends but what I need to talk to them about isnt what I CAN talk to them about. I want to fucking talk to them about how I saw something terrible on Omegle. I want to tell my close friends because I cant sleep at night anymore. It takes hours when it used to take minutes. I LOVE SLEEPING. but i cant and im losing my mind and my adhd be wilding so i cant work on my school anymore. And no, it isnt an option to go to a therapist because I have been in therapy multiple times but my parents end up always pulling me out after just a few weeks saying "i have not improved at all" even though one time i litterly told them "this therapist isnt working out, we litterly talk about anime the whole session". and my mom just responded "yea well u guys are supposed to get to know each other". we talked about anime for multiple sessions. I had one session a week and I think I was in for 8 weeks or sum. I went in ...

11/1/23 NO GUYS! I MEAN IT CUNTS     The thing is im at a boarding school. I love being here but im fucking dying right now because all I want is to be next to him. I want to be next to him and to lay on his chest in his bed listening to music. Nothing corny, nothing weird, all I want is to lay on his chest while he maybe watches tiktoks or something i dont know, but i am 1160.5 kilometers (721 miles) away from him and a 15 hour drive. so instead, im laying on my ugly ass bed -that i am eternally grateful for because thank fucking eros that i am on a bed and not a street but-my bed that is comfortable i guess but the pillow is like laying on a fucking pancake and a blanket as thin as paper. I want to just sit in his room and maybe he kisses me once in a while, or if that doesnt happen we just hang out and play a vid game, i dont care. I want to be near him, and love him and have him love me too. I dont want to sleep in a room with strangers anymore. I want to kiss someone agai...